down in the dumps

to make this really short : i was depressed, lacked motivation and i gave up.

for those who need slightly more details, read on~

it all started with the biological clock within me goin haywire. source of the haywiring? the multitudes of personal and public problems that just keep coming at the same time. there is only so much a girl can handle. i'm no superwoman. sigh.. nopes.

with that screwed up, i begin to miss classes or skip them entirely. except for finance subjects, i'm pretty confident my other subjects wudnt suffer. but lo and behold, the unexpected blow. Marketing lecturer - Ms.Helen calls me up to the lecturer's office to have a talk before she decides to bar me from exams or not. maybe she doesnt know me well, cant blame her, i never had the honor of being in her classes before until this semester.

the other lecturers know my nature far too well --> late but i WILL be there. ABSENT but i will study. TALK but i'll catch up. SLEEPING but that would mean i've already read thru it, or i'm just plain sleepy and i want my attendance!

asides college, i have a budgeoning sister problem, and the sudden stress of being the only business-oriented daughter. oddly, i'm the only one stuck ard my parents. so who do they need on their beck and call? go figures.

therefore, i took the withdraw forms from the college office, enquired the staff and ignored the various tricks that they tried to used on me to stop me from withdrawing. funnily, just when i was nearly leaving the office, Ms.Chan- finance lecturer spoke to me and sumhow, i always had a soft spot for her as well as Mr.Tsen - economics lecturer.

sure. there are other reasons to why i'm so strung up. but this is wad makes me ME, i'm quite private. and i'll like to keep it that way :) a clue? i WAS a big a fan of meeting my one true love. note: past tense.

random snippets

the holidays have just begun
and i'm already bored of it.

close friends will find it as no surprise. haha! i'm easily entertained as well as easily bored. ACK!~ just registered with the local fitness center to pursue my life-long battle with my weight. decided to invest in another business other than to my current one. hopefully, it works out before i graduate and i do get outta this college.

oh! i recently was given the opportunity to drive the brand new Brabus Mercedes-Benz E-class. eeeeee! its interior is just so beautiful! and gosh! to drive it is pure pleasure... the sound of the engine is a soft purr - can be barely heard unless u purposely revv. but like every other Merc, its the most sure-footed vehicle. pretty darn spacious and i love the near classic looks. i hate tiny sport cars. hate it. prefer high performance and luxury sedans.

so i've re-organized my room. i like doing silly things like that. not sure why. i'm sumwad convinced its still due to boredom. i've got the prospects of becoming some feng-shui master soon. teehee!

and i came across my really old diary. the one i had back in primary school! my handwriting was horrible. it was considered pretty back then but now, yuck. i wrote so much about wad i did at home rather than in school! it was so obvious i hated school! hahaha! and when this older guy in standard 6 gave me a plastic ring which encased a rose inside and a small bouquet of flowers for valentine's day. awww! i dun really remember how that happened but yeah... it was really funny! i was laughing so hard at my diary. i'm not saying his name tho. but will try to find on facebook! XP hadnt spoken to him in years! i did have his frenster. but tht was so long ago!

remembering grandma

when i think of grandma, i wud think of the times she cooked, knitted and taught. she was the ultimate superwoman ;) she can make up her own perfume, lotion, and she shud've been the spokesperson for Johnson & Johnson's. her skin can beat any of us grandchildren, hands down - smoothness and fairness.

grandma was pretty much a mom that i never had, to me.
i was never really close to my mom, nor do i think i ever will be. maybe its cuz mom refused to let me board the first available flight to KL when i got the news that grandma's condition had turned for the worse.

thus, we had a screaming match and the worst thing was mom said : "i told you the last time that ur grandma is ok. see? u went back for nothing! so you dont need to go back so fast."

F#$@$%^!? thats probably what i'd nvr forgive mom for the rest of my life.

i truly believe God was by grandma's side. the times when i went back to visit her, grandma always seemed happy and well-taken care of. i thank God that i had the chance to take care of her too while in the hospital. she kept talking throughout the night, daddy wud accompany me of course. dad wud ask grandma if she remembered me doing silly things and grandma wud nod her head or say things like " yes. remember." and when she randomly said "jialat promise" then i held her hand and recited every promise i made with her - to study hard, to not fight with my sisters, to call her more, visit her often, to lose weight and always take care of my dad. holding her hand, being able to spend that precious few hours in the middle of the night with her is truly priceless and i'd cherish it forever.

yes, grandma. i do promise you all these.
i just wished i had arrived at the hospital earlier - an hour, a day or even the week before. now all i ever wished was i had told you "i love you" more often.

i'm now left wit memories of her, the sweaters she knitted, presents she gave, and lessons taught.

during the funeral, the amount of people that came for the two days were overwhelming. and even more that came while she was at the hospital. enuff said. she was my grandma and i was truly blessed to be one of her grandchildren.

catching up on the past

just realised that i've been so caught up with college, work and my other blog, thus neglecting my own personal one. sigh... poor baby~

hopefully this is goin to be my final year in college. there is no way i am goin to survive another resit or repeating subject. i screwed up in the first year, i'm definitely hoping i wont do it again. i was all fired up for this semester at first! i was enjoying attending classes, reading thru notes and believe it or not, yes i do my tutorials. haha

it got all dampened when grandma was admitted into the hospital. she's terminal now... seeing her now, on the bed with tubes makes me wished i had another chance of knowing her so much more. it was only in the recent three years that i began to really enjoy spending time with her. all these while, i was always afraid of her. no surprise cuz i was a reli noti kid. i guess goin back for a week to see her made me just give up on trying to catch up with lectures and revision.i did consider briefly to give up on college. cuz i dont see the use of it? i dun see how the weird subjects like managing I.S and Ethnics are gonna help me in the future.

i enjoy working wit my dad, except for the rare few outbursts. overall, i'm pretty darn satisfied working wit dad. why? (this shud be printed for mom to see!) cuz dad lets me have my own way of getting the job done, he knows how busy i am in college, and work doesnt have to be in the office all the time. extra perks wud definitely be the good pay n time to share a laugh or more. gawd, i effing am reluctant of working for mom.

nearly kidnapped

surviving a almost-hijacked/kidnap case, i thank God and the rare few Malaysians who are helpful! not kepo's!

after work at the tuition center, Tyler called me to go over to Warisan Square for tea at Secret Recipe along with Olivia. probably one of the longest and closest friendships i have in college thus far. i'd do almost anything for these two darlings!

met up with them and gosh, i had fun just talking to them! i had ice cream! YUM! so long since i had one! bliss! then all of it got cut short by mom's sms asking me to get my butt home that very instant! argh!!!!


so i said my goodbyes and left in a hurry. i walked by a black man when he smiled and said : "hey baby" and i just gave a quick smile as i would any other stranger/tourist. so i continued walking quickly towards my car when from the corner of my eye, i noticed his white pants. obviously following me so i had no choice but to run for the car. i might have panicked for a while cuz i cudnt open the door but when i did, i quickly got in but before i cud slam and lock the door, he'd already yanked it open.

there i was screaming OHMYGAWD HELP ME! OHMYGAWD! when he pushed me towards the passenger seat. but i held on to the steering wheel and sat on the middle compartment where the buttons and gear stick was. i kept kicking his legs and tried to aim for the stomach, while pressing on the honk. the black man kept saying a variation of : " keep it down, baby! shut up! you better be quiet, baby! " all the time i was screaming and cudnt help thinking i was goin to die.

he ignited the mercedez when i was able to finally step on the honk. this was where i cudnt care less if he saw my underwear and i kicked his stomach again.

FINALLY! i get to experience the legendary helpfulness of malaysians! two guys came running and ... the negro got out of the car and tried slamming the car door at me! cutting the story short, reporting to the police is by far the biggest waste of time and energy. i only dream of the day that we all wud feel that reporting wud do any gud.

for now, be super careful gurlies. and never reject a guy's offer of accompanying you to ur car even if its a lovely town as KK or as tomboyish as me.

no youngster can throw a better party than the older generation. heck, daddy's bday party was a blast. loved it. absolutely happy for him =) gotta admit, a tad jealous! hahaa!

maybe its got something to do with the location, company invited and the yummy food. but i really do think its just because of the ever so-lovable daddy himself. he chose the venue and food himself. invited only his best buddies. awww... and he particularly likes having a bar, the outdoor patio and loads of karaoke. his close friend, uncle tony decided him to get him a whole lamb, which i was surprised to hear such a cute present. hahaha!

i got to meet alot of uncles and aunties which i havent seen for a really long time! gosh... most of them have changed alot. i cant really say how they've changed but *winks* i think u can think of the appropriate word.

daddy had loads of fun singing and catching up wit old buddies. gosh... all his friends can really sing very well. one of his female staff even sang a very flirty happy birthday song~! not bad eh? a few of Sabah's leading politicians and ex-gangstars also came and more of those die-hard old party people filled the club house. then the rest of the night was filled with many happy oldie mouldy songs + drinking + overdose of laughing and the glorious glorious food and drinks.

joyce, nikki (our god-sister) and i even sang a couple of times. teeheee~! owh... mom too! *rolls on the floor laughing*

weird moment right now

HAPPY KEAMATAN, all my Sabahan friends!
may this year bring you better and more bountiful harvest!
*tho i do doubt any of you still plant padi, right? dont count your grandparents ah!*

it was when i was enjoying the beauty of mother nature at Pitas,
three hours away from the famed Kudat - the tip of Borneo.
when i suddenly realised.... i miss him.

*do stop reading from here if you do not like me being slightly emo*

i miss the times when i had with him,
talking about anything!
watching movies, trying out the oddest looking restaurants,
going shopping...
its been weeks since i last thought about him...
damnit!

how does someone forget the another?
i really admire those who can just get over it and move on
not feeling abit of sadness or missing those times.
how do they do it?

*dont answer this question unless you really can do tht*

there was this phrase i heard over in the radio
just a few days ago....
" you have to date sumone absolutely wrong for you at least once,
for two reasons. one, for experience and two,to appreciate the good one "
*pretty much like common knowledge...it brought out the 'd'oh!' in me*

cant the wrong guy be the right guy?
at least now i know that for all the wrong reasons,
the outcome wasnt always bad.

past in a flash!

it did occur to me that i've neglected my blog alot recently. and i often thought, omg... how do i start? loads have happened. gosh!

if i recall correctly,

• had northern Indian cuisine at Waterfront wit daddy to celebrate bday! *love*

• my awesome friends threw me the funniest and unforgettable surprise bday bash for me at my fav hangout place - Fruit Monster! i appreciate it peeps!
  

• celebrated my bday with family+stepsisters wit a night of dancing and loadsa bbq food!
  

• i had a major temper outburst in college at a junior which surprised alot of ppl. but seriously, why be surprised?

• even more surprisingly, i decided to do other things than to help in the upcoming orientation... frens knew that i always wanted to join again to help.

• had loads of fun with my sister Mandy, who was back fer a few days from KL

• went on a super fun roadtrip to Labuan wif zavier n tyler. i likey the speedboat too!

• met up wit ronald, stayed at Fuxien's place, ate at chow's restaurant ... amongst other fun stuff in labuan like, satays and uber cheap chocs+alcohol!
  

• first day of a new semester! yay! finally back to books once again! teehee!

i do dread reading an awful lot. so i decided to put it in point-form. ^.^v

more or so... i noe

in two days i'll know the outcome of the youth camp we're currently organizing. in two days, i'll know if all the sacrifices made by my team and i was worth it. i'll know who are truly supporting me and really wanting to see this succeed.

if i fight for what i want, it'd look selfish but then again, i think alot of people would hv done the same if they were in my shoes. but then again, people are very bias or narrow minded here. they gossip like old women and somehow, unintentionally they go all out to sabotage your reputation.

its not like i do this to solely benefit myself... i do admit it does benefit me in some ways but at least i try my best to benefit others too! and in most situations, i let others benefit more!

i'm actually getting lost. no longer encouraged or motivated or even interested to be involved in anything, even in planning or being a leader. being accused of being selfish or inconsiderate of others, hurts like hell. i wished i wasn't the chairperson/president/leader in the first place. but then again, its inevitable right? for years, i've tried being the follower... it just nvr worked... i'm just slightly discouraged and more likely, emo. hahaha...

i see no wrong in it

i think its sumthing to be happy about ;)
i reli doubt its sumthing to be pitied, saddened or ashamed about...
i mean, think about it!
single people have accomplished so much more than couples have!
minus the petty arguments and headache of accommodating each others time/space
sure~ some of you would say : its not a stressful! not a burden!
the popular mandarin phrase applies here...
"i'll listen to you now. dont let me catch you complaining later on."


some might call me a hypocrite.
boo hoo~
i've always said : i wanna have a longlasting relationship
but in reality, i've been relationship-hopping
well, the reason i do what i did is
all in the name of educational purposes
>;P


i'm just no longer interested in wasting my youth
no, i have not become some desperate
sick psychotic relationship-love-attention serial junkie!
life's too short, people!
presented with a chance?
me thinks tht moderate consideration is sufficient,
jump on it and enjoy!

my theory is when i hv so much to give
why hold it back?
though i still hold on to my principles.
i never said i loved you.